A Miracle A Day

Would you like to live an extraordinary life?  A life beyond the normal, tame world where the vast majority of people dwell, a life where what seemed impossible before suddenly seems imminent?

Who wouldn't like to live that kind of life?  The funny thing is, it's a lot more achievable than most people think… which is why they sit there and ignore it, not reaching out to take hold of something that is within their reach.

I have fallen into that trap myself, and in fact, am just now climbing out of it.  I went into computers, and programming specifically, because it pays well and I have a talent in that area… but it's never been what I really wanted to do, what brings out the passion inside of me.

Most people are the same way… they settle for a job that they are good at, and hopefully pays well, or at least pays enough to get by.  They have an average life, even if they seem successful by the world's standards (ie nice car, nice house, etc.).

Some people, on the other hand, lead extraordinary lives.  It seems like they have a magical touch, churning out success after success, overflowing with energy, and apparently just blessed.

In reality, though, they are just ordinary people, who do something unusual… they hold on to their dreams, embrace their passions, and never give up hope.

I read a book while going through my recent plumbing problems about the importance of doing so, a book which reminded me to let my passions, which had been suppressed for so long that they were a shadow of a memory, out to breathe and grow stronger.  I've felt a difference in myself already, with more mental peace and less feeling of being stuck in place.

The book was written by a man who has lived a life by those principles… he built a school in the inner city Pittsburgh that teaches gourmet cooking, advanced photography, ceramics, and other things you wouldn't expect to find in poor neighborhoods… and the school provides all of those things without charge.

That man is Bill Strickland, and the book he wrote, that I read, loved, and recommended to many people amongst friends and family, is called Making The Impossible Possible.  It's all about living an extraordinary life by following your dreams and not letting go, by embracing and encouraging your passions, and by never, ever letting go of hope.

It doesn't matter what your dreams and passions are, or whether they are "respected"… it doesn't have to contribute to your outward signs of success, and you don't have to do it for a living.  Your passion might be cooking, and you may simply whip up new recipes for your family and friends.  It may be writing, and you may start a blog with only 32 people coming to it in the entire first month. 

It doesn't matter how big or small you start off (or stay, for that matter).  It doesn't matter if you are good or bad.  The mere fact that you are, in fact, embracing your passions will make your life seem brighter, happier, and more fulfilling.

The funny thing about embracing your passions, though, is that even if you don't intend for it to happen, other, more worldly signs of success often follow.  Your friend that you cook a new recipe for may rave about it to his friend, who happens to be in a position to recommend it to others, and the word may spread until you end up hiring others to make enough of whatever it is to keep up with demand.  Or, in the case of the blog, you may end up 7 months later with 60,000 visitors in one month.

Tomorrow I'm going to write another article that is inspired by the same book… mentioned in passing was one of my beliefs about self improvement that differs considerably from what most people will tell you.

For those of you who are interested, this is the book:

Amazon 

Would you like to live an extraordinary life?  A life beyond the normal, tame world where the vast majority of people dwell, a life where what seemed impossible before suddenly seems imminent?

Who wouldn't like to live that kind of life?  The funny thing is, it's a lot more achievable than most people think… which is why they sit there and ignore it, not reaching out to take hold of something that is within their reach.

I have fallen into that trap myself, and in fact, am just now climbing out of it.  I went into computers, and programming specifically, because it pays well and I have a talent in that area… but it's never been what I really wanted to do, what brings out the passion inside of me.

Most people are the same way… they settle for a job that they are good at, and hopefully pays well, or at least pays enough to get by.  They have an average life, even if they seem successful by the world's standards (ie nice car, nice house, etc.).

Some people, on the other hand, lead extraordinary lives.  It seems like they have a magical touch, churning out success after success, overflowing with energy, and apparently just blessed.

In reality, though, they are just ordinary people, who do something unusual… they hold on to their dreams, embrace their passions, and never give up hope.

I read a book while going through my recent plumbing problems about the importance of doing so, a book which reminded me to let my passions, which had been suppressed for so long that they were a shadow of a memory, out to breathe and grow stronger.  I've felt a difference in myself already, with more mental peace and less feeling of being stuck in place.

The book was written by a man who has lived a life by those principles… he built a school in the inner city Pittsburgh that teaches gourmet cooking, advanced photography, ceramics, and other things you wouldn't expect to find in poor neighborhoods… and the school provides all of those things without charge.

That man is Bill Strickland, and the book he wrote, that I read, loved, and recommended to many people amongst friends and family, is called Making The Impossible Possible.  It's all about living an extraordinary life by following your dreams and not letting go, by embracing and encouraging your passions, and by never, ever letting go of hope.

It doesn't matter what your dreams and passions are, or whether they are "respected"… it doesn't have to contribute to your outward signs of success, and you don't have to do it for a living.  Your passion might be cooking, and you may simply whip up new recipes for your family and friends.  It may be writing, and you may start a blog with only 32 people coming to it in the entire first month. 

It doesn't matter how big or small you start off (or stay, for that matter).  It doesn't matter if you are good or bad.  The mere fact that you are, in fact, embracing your passions will make your life seem brighter, happier, and more fulfilling.

The funny thing about embracing your passions, though, is that even if you don't intend for it to happen, other, more worldly signs of success often follow.  Your friend that you cook a new recipe for may rave about it to his friend, who happens to be in a position to recommend it to others, and the word may spread until you end up hiring others to make enough of whatever it is to keep up with demand.  Or, in the case of the blog, you may end up 7 months later with 60,000 visitors in one month.

Tomorrow I'm going to write another article that is inspired by the same book… mentioned in passing was one of my beliefs about self improvement that differs considerably from what most people will tell you.

For those of you who are interested, this is the book:

Amazon 

The record companies, collectively known as the recording industry (or RIAA aka Recording Industry Associaion Of America), have been making some very big, very public mistakes in the last few years… things such as suing the fans that they sell music too, using shady tactics to try to keep you from sharing music, and, of course, for a much longer time they have been giving the artists who actually create the music a ridiculously small share of the revenue from selling CD's.

What does that have to do with self development?  It provides some easy examples that you can learn from, rather than having to make the mistakes yourself first and suffer the consequences that come with having made them yourself.

Here are 5 personal lessons you can learn from the record companies' (hereafter referred to as the RIAA) mistakes:

1. Circumstances Change
   

   The one constant throughout the world is the circumstances change.  You may be on top of the world, with everything going great, and then have that yanked out from under you by something around you, something you can't control, changing.  For the RIAA this was the massive distribution power of the internet loosening and now starting to actually break their stranglehold on distribution. 

   For you, it may be layoffs at your company, or the sudden and unexpected death of a loved one.  It could also be what seems like a positive change… winning the lottery often leaves people worse off in the long run.  Regardless of what the change is, your ability to adapt  is directly related to the amount you suffer.  If you're very good at adapting you can even take something that seems to have no upside and still make something positive come out of it.

2. What You Do Is Not Who You Are
   

   What you do is not who you are… this is hard for many people and companies to understand.  The RIAA, for example, sells plastic discs.  That's what they do, and it appears to be who they think they are, too.  It would be much closer to the truth to say that they are in the business of providing a musical experience… and if they realize that, they will most likely see a lot more opportunities around them.

   The same thing holds true for individuals… who you are is not determined by what you do.  Many people, especially men, identify with their job.  Identifying with your job can cause you to miss out on other possibilities that open up around you, possibilities that could bring you to entirely new places in your life… higher income, more job satisfaction, or even new relationships.

3. Trust Is Important
   

   Many members of the RIAA have done some shady things lately, trying to be able to keep the same business model in spite of the changing circumstances.  This has made many people, both customers and bands, distrust the record companies.  This distrust costs the companies opportunities and accelerates the process of people wanting to get away from them completely.

   A lack of trust can cost individuals, too.  You, too, can lose out on opportunities because someone doesn't trust you enough to offer them to you.  You can lose existing relationships and miss out on forming new ones.  And trust, once lost, is much harder to recover than it was to initially build.

4. Reacting Defensively Can Hurt You
   

   One of the most well-known things the RIAA has done, of course, is suing people for file sharing.  This includes people who only downloaded a few files, grandmothers, and other sympathetic figures… the goodwill lost from these lawsuits costs far more than the minimal amount of money they get from settlements.  They also ignore the promotional benefits of more people hearing their music because they never get past the initial defensive reaction of "You're taking something away from me!  I'm going to get you!"

   Reacting defensively can do serious damage to individuals, too.  It can cause you to do or say things that cause you more harm than good, and sometimes bring no good at all, not even fleeting satisfaction.  This can ruin relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or business, thus bringing hurt into your life.

5. Abusing People To Get Ahead Can Come Back To Bite You
   

   The RIAA has been notorious for years for giving their artists ridiculously small percentages of the money they bring in from selling their CD's.  This leads to resentment from the very people who they need to generate revenue, and lately the news has shown the response:  several really big name artists have left the RIAA companies altogether.  This is just the start… a trickle that leads to a stream that leads to a river.  If they had treated the artists better, they might have been more likely to stay with the labels because of that.

   This holds true for individuals, too… anyone that you step on as you try to get ahead will remember it, generally much more than anyone you help will remember that.  Anyone that abuse in this way may even go out of their way later to do something just to hurt you.  This is more in terms of business than personal relationships, but it can be true in relationships, as well… there are few worse enemies than a former friend.

Learning from the public mistakes of the record companies can save you headache and heartache.  There are many other examples and lessons you can learn from the recording industry, or from other people who commit very public mistakes, such as certain celebrities (I'm quite certain you can think of several celebrities who have made very public mistakes lately) without having to make those mistakes yourself.

If you have any particularly good ones you would like to add, feel free in the comments.

Do you feel like you're stuck in a rut? Want to give your life a kick in the butt so it gets up and starts moving ahead again? Try a few of the following techniques.

1. Don't Procrastinate
   As soon as you have something important come up, such as having a bill arrive in the mail, take care of it immediately, as in don't even wait until that night. Take care of it as soon as it "hits your desk"… you'll get more done and have less stress due to having less stuff hanging over your head in the "pending" mental file.
2. Expand Your Network
   A great way to break out of a rut is to go meet new people. New people can provide inspiration and/or motivation to get out of a rut, either by example (they are successful, possibly even successful at the same thing you want to do, or you really don't want to end up where they are) or you might be motivated by a desire to impress this new person you have met.
3. Do Something New
   Another great way to unstick yourself from that rut is to do something you've never done before. It can be a great stress relief, it can inspire you to do other new things (which, by itself, could be considered getting out of your rut), and it can just restore your motivation that you need to do what you need to do.
4. Re-Evaluate Your Goals
   Look at the goals you have, especially the long term ones. Is it even something you still want? Letting go of a goal that no longer appeals to you can be a big weight off your shoulders.
5. Break Down Your Goals
   Now that you only have goals that you still want to accomplish, write them down and break each of them into smaller goals that are more easily accomplished. Accomplishing a smaller goal on the way to your desired end goal provides a feeling of progress, a feeling of NOT being stuck in a rut, thus providing motivation to keep moving forward.
6. Find A Creative Outlet
   Find a way to express your creativity… and don't say "I'm not a creative person". Everyone is a creative person, they just express it in different ways. Unused creativity builds up and puts pressure on you internally, increasing the feeling of being trapped, not going anywhere… or "stuck in a rut".
7. Change Your Definition Of Success
   People who feel they are currently successful seldom have a feeling of being stuck in a rut. Take advantage of this by changing your definition of success. Success doesn't have to be measured by society's standards… you can be successful by being a good person, by taking care of the people you care about, by producing creative output (see above item), or many other things. Don't just stick with the default definition society gave you, choose your own.

So there you go… seven different things you can do to kick your life in the butt and get it moving. Get to work and stop being stuck in your rut.

This morning I was considering the relationship of the subconscious mind to the conscious mind, and the best way of describing it that I could come up with is saying it’s like the evil mastermind’s less intelligent henchman… essentially it’s your conscious mind’s Igor.

The subconscious actually has more involvement in our every day, every little action, life than the conscious mind. It’s where the conscious mind sends tasks that are beneath it or too commonplace to be interesting. The subconscious, on the other hand, if it comes across a situation that’s interesting enough, or, alternatively too new and unprecedented, will flag the attention of the conscious mind.

As we go through life, we form experiences, and from these experiences we form patterns. The more experience we have in a certain area, the more detail the related patterns have, making fitting new experiences in those same areas into that pattern easier, or even finding a more specific pattern for that experience possible (ie making a cherry pie vs making a dessert vs baking vs cooking). When we have a pattern with enough detail for a new experience to fit easily, the subconscious mind takes care of handling that experience. For instance, though you may be changing lanes in a place you never have before, it probably fits the pattern of changing lanes enough that it’s handled by your subconscious, with your conscious mind being involved only in telling your subconscious mind to do it. On the other hand, if there’s a car coming right at you in your lane, this most likely doesn’t fit any pattern that you have much previous experience with (If it does, I don’t want your life!), so your subconscious spikes it back up to your conscious mind (“Hey, what do I do, what do I do?”).

Some patterns become so detailed, with so much experience, that your conscious mind doesn’t even get involved to the point of giving your subconscious mind the orders, it just expects it to be done. This would include things like breathing, chewing, and swallowing. In other areas, if your conscious mind is busy, your subconscious mind will make guesses based on previous orders from the conscious mind in similar experiences. This is what we refer to as habits. Fortunately, it weighs the most recent decisions more heavily, so that changing habits is merely difficult, not impossible.

Part of the being aware (in the sense that I use the term, here and in previous posts) is that less of this last category of experience is handled by the subconscious. As should be fairly obvious, the more situations, experiences, and choices the conscious mind is involved in, the more the likely the outcome will be what you consciously want. Also, the subconscious mind listens to (and obeys) the physical self far more often than the conscious mind… and can even influence the conscious mind in the direction of doing the bidding of the physical self. The conscious mind, on the other hand, is far more likely to listen to the spiritual self, and do what it suggests (which is, in my opinion, superior). As a matter of fact, I think the subconscious does what the spiritual self wants only when the conscious mind has set that pattern by many previous decisions… the subconscious tendency to follow the physical self makes forming habits to do so easier than forming habits to follow the spiritual self (which explains why even long-established habits fitting that description need occasional reinforcement from the conscious mind).

So, knowing that the subconscious is your conscious mind’s henchman, make sure that you keep it obedient. Being more aware means making sure that it’s keeping in line more often. Check in on it regularly, and make sure that you don’t confuse it… if you want to handle certain situations in a certain way, be consistent about doing so, and the subconscious will learn that that is the way you want it, and in the future will default in that direction, if there is no conscious direction for that specific experience.

As we go through life, when we receive a deep wound, many times it doesn’t heal perfectly, leaving us with scar tissue. This scar tissue is tough, but also is more likely to have something catch on it to cause annoyance or pain. The above is true regardless of what type of wound it is: physical, mental, or emotional.

The scar tissue will keep the wound from ever completely healing, but at the same time, it keeps it from hurting too much, too. It protects the remainder of the wound, but generally there will be an ongoing, or recurring, ache or pain. Many times this pain is below the conscious level, so that you only notice when something draws your attention to it. Despite this fact, any minor pains, even when not consciously noticed, draw away small pieces of your energy, so that when they add up, you become tired far more easily.

So, now with the title of this post… how to heal old wounds. Unfortunately, to heal old wounds completely, you have to begin by tearing off the scar tissue. In case you haven’t done this lately, let me warn you: It hurts! Still, you can’t do any more healing as long as the scar tissue is there, so if you’re not willing to deal with the pain, you might as well stop reading this right now.

Let me differentiate here between physical wounds and mental/emotional wounds. While you still have to remove scar tissue to heal physical wounds properly, you probably don’t want to be going and literally “tearing” off the scar tissue. There are lasers that are used for this these days, and allow for much better healing than do-it-yourself style work. Regardless of whether it’s physical or mental/emotional, though, having help from someone who knows what they’re doing is always good advice.

So, on to mental and emotional wounds now. There are two ways to remove the scar tissue, and one of them is a lot harder to deal with than the other. The first way is when someone does something that rips it off when you’re not expecting it at all. This is incredibly painful (or can be), and if that’s not enough, it’s often when you can’t do anything about it, and can’t even take it as an opportunity to heal… you just have to patch it back up as best you can until you have time to do it the second way. The second way is choosing a time and place, preferably where there aren’t too many people and it’s relatively quiet.

It can, depending on the wound, be very helpful to have someone with you to help you heal. Sometimes, though, it’s something that you need to deal with on your own. The techniques are different, depending on whether you have another person helping or not.

I’ll cover doing it on your own first. When you want to (or need to) heal on your own, you can start by deliberately sending your mind back to the time of the injury. This is the beginning of tearing off the scar tissue. When your mind is there, just let yourself feel whatever emotions come up. Don’t try to suppress them, don’t try to feel what you think you should, just let them come as they will, and let them have their time. Even if it really hurts, just try to stay there, mentally, and let the pain come. If you let it, it will wash over you and through you, and then fade away as it heals. It may take several times of doing this to heal a wound, and you may have to do it in pieces (a wound may be formed by multiple inputs, or situations).

Healing with the help of another person is very similar. You have to go back, mentally, to the time of the injury. Then you start telling the other person about it, about what happened, how it made you feel, WHY it made you feel that way, etc. You need someone who can mostly just listen for this… someone who tries to “fix” everything will interfere with your healing (not necessarily prevent it, but definitely interfere). As you are telling them, and they are listening, let yourself feel whatever emotions arise. If you are comfortable with it, having the person you are with touch you can be helpful, too, as it provides an anchor in this time, a reminder that the injury is NOT happening now, and that someone cares. Again, this technique may take several times to heal an injury completely, especially if the injury was compounded over time.

Once you bring up the memories, and the emotions, and you let those emotions have the time, attention, and energy they need from you, that wound will begin to heal completely, with no scar tissue. In time it will fade away completely, leaving only a memory of its presence. Suppressing, ignoring, or otherwise trying to NOT deal with emotions is a bad practice that leads to mental and emotional injury. It may (or may not, I’m not enlightened enough to be certain at this point) be necessary at some times, but should be avoided whenever possible.

So, try one of the techniques listed above, and let the healing begin… it’s amazing how much difference in your every day life healing from old wounds can make.

Ever wonder why you’re here? What your calling is? What you’re meant to do? There’s a relatively simple exercise that can give you a pretty good idea of the answer to those questions.

First, clear your mind. Take a few minutes somewhere quiet, by yourself, and just breathe deep and relax. You’ll know when you’re ready when your mind quiets down a bit.

Now, get something to write with. This can be pen and paper, or a computer, or whatever else, as long as you can write stuff down. Now, think of what seems like it would be the most meaningful, satisfying thing you could do. Write down ANYTHING that comes to mind, and pay no attention to how realistic it is. This is what would be meaningful and satisfying if you had no other obligations to anyone or anything.

After freely writing down anything that comes to mind until you start drawing a blank, take a minute and look back over the list. Cross out (or delete) whatever seems less important, and write down any new ideas that come up as you re-read and refine your list.

Repeat this process as many times at it takes to get down to where you can’t really eliminate any of the things left as less important, meaningful, etc. than the others. If there’s one, great. If there’s more than one, look at what they might have in common (building houses for the homeless and feeding the hungry might have in common helping the “least of these”).

Whatever you end up with, when you really think about it, imagine it, and visualize it, it should move your heart, wake up emotion, and possibly even bring tears to your eyes. When you get something that really means something to you where it involves and fuels every part of you (mind, body, spirit, and emotions), you know that you found it.

Knowing your purpose can be a great motivator and really make clear certain choices that otherwise might be difficult. Some things just obviously contribute to you fulfilling your purpose, and others obviously take away from it. You might even want to post it somewhere, or something that makes you think of it (if you’re concerned about someone else seeing it, though it’s a more powerful motivator if other people know, too), to keep it in your mind and awareness every day.

Relationships need communication like plants need water… without it they dry up and wither away. Ongoing communication is essential for the length of the relationship.

Relationships are based on connecting with another person. In order to connect with another person, you have to have some idea of who they are (not as in Bob Smith, as in what they like, dislike, etc.). Communication is essential to this knowledge, whether it’s verbal or nonverbal. As communication deepens, your knowledge of the other person deepens, and the relationship can deepen. It is through this process of learning who the other person is that people go from acquaintances, to friends, to close friends, etc. You can’t move beyond your current “relationship level” without deepening your communication and thereby your knowledge of the other person.

The fact that the depth of the relationship depends on the depth of your knowledge of each other also explains why relationships fade away when people stop communicating. This is because everyone changes as life goes on, becoming a different person through the addition of new experiences, new patterns, new knowledge. That means that if you do not continue to communicate at an appropriate depth, you begin to know the person less and less, as they change from the person that you became familiar with. As the person changes, and you change, the depth of your knowledge of each other weakens (without ongoing renewal), and the relationship fades, going in reverse order: close friend, friend, etc.

The above is true regardless of whether it’s a personal or professional relationship. In fact, professional relationships can deepen into personal relationships as you get to know each other, and the depth of your knowledge increases (if you choose to go deeper… relationships can certainly be kept surface level). It’s true of any kind of personal relationship, as well, whether it’s family, friends, or significant other.

People who don’t have many others in the “close friend” area are usually that way because they don’t want to open themselves up to the depth necessary to achieve that level, usually from fear of getting hurt (Some might say rejection, but why would you fear rejection if it didn’t hurt?). While it is certainly true that people who know you deeper can hurt you more, they can also heal you more and bring more joy to your life. Also, if you learn to let go of your old wounds (see this article), the amount that you get hurt, even by those with whom you have a deep relationship, lessens.

So if you want to deepen existing relationships, bringing acquaintances to the friend level, friends to the close friend level, and more, you have to open yourself up and put yourself out there. Let go of your fear of hurt, and instead focus on the positives that more, deeper, relationships can bring into your life.