A Miracle A Day

If you are anywhere past your early twenties, chances are pretty good that you've thought to yourself something along the lines of:  "Life would have been so much easier if I had known that back then."  It wouldn't even be surprising for younger people to have had the same thoughts.

So, if you had the chance to tell yourself something at that younger age, and actually make your younger self understand, what is it that you would tell, well, you?

I'll share with you some of the things I would tell my younger self in a moment, but first I want to point something out.  I'm happy with who I am and where I am, so if I actually had this opportunity I would pass it by… any change made in who I was back then would most likely completely alter the trajectory of my life, so that I wouldn't end up where I am now.

That being said, it's still fun to think about, and here are some of the most common things that come up that would have made life easier had I known them when I was younger:

1. Your Worth Has Nothing To Do With Others
   

   It's only recently that I've truly let go of letting others determine how much worth I see in myself.  I was never as entangled in the opinions of others as many people are, but I've finally understood that my worth is independent of that.

   Your worth comes from your very individuality, your ability to make choices, and no one else can affect that.

2. Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
   

   I have always been much harder on myself than on others, easily forgiving something in others that I would beat myself up over for a long time.  Part of this comes from the fact that I know my own thoughts and temptations, even when I don't act upon them, where I have no idea what similar things (or worse) might be going on in someone else's head.  That is, I'm aware of all the bad things about myself, and only a small fraction of them about someone else.

   Step outside yourself every once in a while, and look at who you are and what you do as a different person.  What would you think of that person? 

3. Follow Through On Your Dreams
   

   I have had many ideas, dreams, goals, and hopes through the years, and most of them that aren't quite short term have been given up.  This creates an expectation and a habit, making it easier each time I do it to do it again the next time.

   Following through and achieving a dream is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world, and well worth the effort.

4. Love Will Come, Don't Be In Such A Hurry
   

   I've known for a long time that I wanted to be a husband and a father.  I was looking hard for it, and in the process intentionally deceived myself about what love is and whether or not I loved someone, let alone whether or not they loved me.

   You shouldn't try to hurry love… it doesn't work, and you just end up emotionally wounded.  Be patient, and wait for the real thing… you'll know it when it arrives.

5. Do What You Love
   

   For a long time I did what made me enough money, or what I was good at, but not really what I love.  In fact, I'm still doing that to some extent… I keep holding off jumping into doing what I love with my whole heart and mind, mostly because of the uncertainty of the future.

   Do what you love… if you love it, you will put your heart, your energy, and your passion into it, and that will be obvious in the results.  You will always find more happiness and more success with something that you can put your heart into than with something where you are merely good (even if you're really good).

6. Don't Let People Go So Easily
   

   When I was young, we moved around a lot.  This meant that anyone I started to form a friendship with was gone in a year or two (well, truthfully, it was me that was gone, but that's not how I perceived it), which in turn meant that I never formed close friendships with anyone.  Learning to not let people close, and let them go easily, is still something that sticks with me today.

   Don't let people go easily… relationships, whether family, friend, or romantic, are what makes the world go around.  You might be surprised at how much they can affect other areas of your life, too, like your job, your pay, and your ability to follow your dreams.

So, those are the things that I think of the most as things that would have made life easier if I had known them earlier.  What about you?

PS – I would specifically like to hear an answer from Peter, John, Aaron, and Jenny… so consider yourselves tagged. 

Peter has responded:  What I Would Tell My 15 Year Old Self 

Aaron has also responded:  My Younger Self Was An Idiot 

Jenny says:  Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was Younger

Pippa thinks:  What I Would Tell My Younger Self 

Kids willcheat on tests.  Anyone involved in education knows that, as do most people who are not.

Sometimes, when there is an incentive to do so, teachers will even help their students to cheat on tests.  That incentive could be financial, or prestige (or a lack of it).

This makes anything that depends upon standardized tests suspect… unless you can make those tests impossible to cheat.

Human ingenuity being what it is, that may not truly be possible… but you can make it incredibly difficult for them to do so.  In my previous article on education I wrote a tiny bit about it, but I thought it was worth a more in-depth look.

If you want to change the world, you have to change the schools.

The first topic toward that goal that I'm going to cover is how to make it impossible to cheat on tests:

1. Writing The Tests
   

   The first part of making tests that are nearly impossible to cheat is to move the writing of the tests a step back from people with a direct association with the person taking the test.  That has the added benefit of keeping teachers from giving extraordinarily easy or difficult tests for the same class.

   So how do you do this?  You create groups, maybe at the district level, but probably at the state level, of people with knowledge in the field to be tested.  These groups are likely to be mostly, if not all, people trained in education… either people who have been teaching for quite a while, or at least people with a degree in education, with a minor in whatever field.

   You then have these groups write far more questions than will show up on the test.  For a test that is 20 questions, for example, you should have at least 100 questions.  Depending on the material, this could end up with similar questions, just written differently (subjects like history might require this), or it could be a lot of truly different questions (math, for example).

   These questions would be entered into a computer, along with the right answer, if there is one (English questions may have more than one right answer, for example).  This provides a master list of questions for the test.

2. Administering The Tests
   

   When it comes time to administer the tests, the students would sit down at a computer, which would be connected to the central database (or a local copy) that contains all the questions.  These computers would be essentially dumb terminals, only able to run the program that administers the tests, to prevent hacking and/or accessing the internet to try to use Google to find the answers.  Each student would get 20 questions selected randomly from the 100 total available (from the example above).

   That makes it nearly impossible to have a cheat sheet small enough to hide… because you would have to have the whole question AND answer written down.  It also makes one a lot harder to create, since you can only put down the answers to the questions you received, though of course people would get together to compile larger lists when possible… it still increases the effort required considerably.

   Having the test administered by a computer also makes it considerably easier to detect patterns of cheating.  If, at one school, students get average scores until after one particular student (or group of students) takes a test, that could easily indicate cheating.  If one teacher's class always gets the same questions right and wrong, that might also be a sign of cheating… or an indication of what areas they need to teach better, thus improving education as a side effect of trying to detect cheating.

3. Grading The Tests
   

   All of the answers to the questions would also, obviously, be entered into the computer.  These answers could then be graded by someone who is not connected in any way to the student, quite possibly without even having any idea who the student is (ie only having an id number for the test they're grading, not knowing whose test it is).

   Having someone not connected grading the tests removes any possibility of the grade being affected by the teacher liking, disliking, or even feeling sorry for a student.  It limits it to only grading answers to questions, with no social aspect involved.

The plan outlined above removes any chance for a teacher to let people slide through, or grade them extra harshly to make them fail.  It also makes it easy to tell a teacher what area of their subject they may be neglecting, based on students missing more questions than normal in that area.

This is not to say, however, that all, or even the majority of teachers do these things… and many of those who do may do so subconsciously, not intentionally.  A lot of teachers get into it because they have a passion for teaching, and the thought doing those things is repulsive.  Even acknowledging this, though, it can't hurt to remove the ability and the temptation to do so. 

Freeing teachers from having to write and grade tests also gives them the ability to focus more on the actual teaching… not to mention increasing their free time considerably.  They would still be able to easily see the resullts of their students, so they could know if someone needed extra help, or if they hadn't covered an area well enough.

And in the mean time, people trained in analysis could look at the numbers, and quite possibly come up with solutions to various problems by looking at how different variables cause scores to rise or fall, things such as teacher experience, school policies, and possibly even from which school the teacher got their degree, not to mention standard things like student demographics (age, ethnicity, gender, etc.). 

So… comments are welcome.  I'd like this to serve as a starting point for discussion on how effective you, the readers, think this would be, and any improvements you could suggest.

Depending on the number and quality of suggestions, I will either update this post with the best suggestions, or write a follow-up… If you leave a website, and I use your suggestion, I will link to it.  Otherwise, I will just use your name you leave in the comments. 

Other articles you might like:

• Change The Schools, Change The World 

Let's face it… in this day and age nobody has enough time.  Life is so busy, and there are so many things to do… it's hard to find time for anything that isn't essential.

Now let's look at that again:  it's hard to find time for anything that isn't essential.  That's what we say and think, but is it actually reflected in our actions?

To answer that question, first you have to determine what is essential.  The definition of essential varies from person to person… some people may find spending time with their spouse to be essential, but others aren't even married, so obviously that isn't essential for them.

If you compare what you just decided is essential to what you actually do, it's nearly certain that there is a wide gap between the two.  This is where you can find time to do something that you aren't doing now, something that is essential.

I have something that very few people seem to have on their list of essentials, but which I think is essential to a happy and fulfilling life:  being creative.

Many people give up spending time being creative for the daily grind.  They give up their drawing, painting, carving, writing, or whatever else it is that they do that expresses the creativity inside of them to focus on the daily routine of work, laundry, cooking, etc.

In doing so, they give up something that is restorative, something that does wonders for mental and emotional healing.  They also bottle up inside of themselves a growing pressure… everyone has in them a need to create, in one area or another, and failure to satisfy this need adds to the existing pressure of all the other daily stress. 

So not expressing your creativity causes additional unresolved stress in your life and takes away a source of healing.  That's not a good combination… in fact, it can be a recipe for disaster.  Bottled up creativity can be a mental drain to the point that it leads into depression, anger, frustration, and feelings of being overwhelmed and stuck in a rut.

Expressing yourself creatively doesn't have to come in the forms normally associated with it.  You may be creative in coming up with new business plans, planning parties, or office pranks.  The benefits of allowing your creativity to come out will come regardless of the form (though negative consequences may come from some things, as in the office pranks mentioned above).

With benefits that good, and negative consequences that bad, expressing your creativity could easily be part of your "essential" list.  It's part of mine… people ask me how I write so much and so often, and the answer is:  Being creative is essential to me, and this is part of expressing my creativity.

Is being creative essential to you?  If not, try taking some time to be creative consistently, over at least a week, and see if the change in how you feel doesn't make you change your mind.

And that is how you find time to be creative. 

PS – This post is part of my Group Writing Project In Reverse, suggested by Suzie.

We all know the experience of being overwhelmed by what life throws at us.  It happens to everyone from time to time, and when it does, it can seem like there’s no way out, no end in sight.  That can lead to feeling frustrated and desperate, causing us to do things that don’t make any sense because we just want to do something, anything.

It’s nearly impossible to see how to get out of this situation, this feeling, from the inside.  That’s why the solution is to stop for a moment, take a step back, and let go of your desperate grip.  There’s a path you can follow to get you started down the path to ditching the frustration.

So, if you are overwhelmed right now, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then read these 6 steps on how to get back to normal and deal with being overwhelmed:

1. Find A Quiet Spot

   The first thing to do is to find a quiet spot where you can be alone for a moment.  It can be difficult enough to get your feet back under you when you have a moment to think about it… it can be nearly impossible when people keep interrupting you while you’re doing it.

2. Close Your Eyes

   Now that you have your quiet spot, close your eyes.  You’ve gotten away from the people, now it’s time to block out the other distractions.  Open eyes provide a constant stream of input that your mind has to deal with at a subconscious level, sometimes even at the conscious level.  One thing you don’t need when feeling overwhelmed is MORE input.

3. Breathe Deeply

   The easiest, and most effective, action you can take to improve your mental state any time it starts to slide negative is to breathe deeply, especially with your eyes closed.  You should concentrate on the feeling of the breath coming in and going out, and let the negative mental state, and physical tension, flow out with each exhale.

4. Prioritize

   Now that you’re in a state that’s a bit calmer, look at the things that you need to do that are causing you to feel overwhelmed.  If it’s one task that’s huge, break it down into smaller tasks.  If it’s the sheer number of things you need to do, you already have it broken down into smaller tasks… just too many of them!  Now that you have a list of things you “need” to get done, prioritize it.  Decide which one needs done first, which one is most important or most time-sensitive, and make a list, whether written down or just mental, of the top three tasks.

5. Take Action

   Now you have a list of the most important tasks that were part of the mass of things overwhelming you… so take action on the first one.  It doesn’t really matter how small the task or the action is… this is simply about starting down the path to getting things done and out of the way.  You’re taking action to build your momentum.  Once you have momentum, it becomes easier and easier to start on the next task on your list.

6. Look At Your Progress

   This is the final step, the one that really gets you back to normal.  After you have gotten started good on your task list from number four, especially if you have completed at least one of your top three tasks, pause for just a moment to look back and see that you have, in fact, made progress.  You are on your way to taking care of those things that were overwhelming you, even if many of them still lie ahead… the end is at least in sight.  Once you can see a way out and know that you’re getting there, most of the feelings of frustration and being overwhelmed lose their power.

Being overwhelmed is mostly a matter of being lost as to which direction to go, not knowing where to start.  After having taken a moment to calm yourself, prioritized, and taking action on that top priority, you now have a direction, and have already started, so you no longer have that feeling of being lost.  Now it’s not a matter of “What do I do?”, it’s simply a matter of continuing your momentum in the direction that you are already headed.

Maintaining that momentum is so much easier than getting started… just keep moving and the end comes closer and closer.  Actually getting things done is almost never the hard part.  That is almost always reserved for getting started.  The steps above should take care of that hardest part and have you back to normal, momentum in place, in no time.

How would you like to know one simple way to make anyone like you, or if they already like you, like you more?  This isn't in the romantic sense, although more platonic liking has, of course, been known to evolve to that.

It really doesn't take much… there are four steps involved, but all of them are easy, particularly since (presumably) you already are interested (again, not necessarily in the romantic sense) in that person.  None of the steps should take very long, either, although we're not just talking about a couple minutes, either.

So what is this way that I'm talking about?  What is the one thing that is virtually guaranteed to make someone like you, or like you more?

It's easy… let them teach you something that kindles their interest, or better yet, their passion.  For example, you could ask me to teach you something about writing (one of my passions), or about web development (one of my interests), and you will very nearly automatically have my attention.

The four steps involved in one simple way to make anyone like you:

1. Find Their Interests
   

   The first step is to find out what their interests and/or passions are.  Without this knowledge, you're going to be rolling the dice… whatever topic you bring up may or may not interest them, and if it doesn't, your net result may be negative, other than making them aware of you if they were not before… but never underestimate the power of someone being aware of you.  If you can find them out, and you really should be able to do so, you're starting with an advantage.

2. Learn A Little Bit About One (or more)
   

   Now that you have completed step one, choose one or more of their interests that also sound interesting to you.  It's even better if it's an interest that you already had, but regardless, don't fake it.  Faking interest in the area can definitely work in the short term, but you can only keep faking it to a certain point, and once you pass that point, the person you want to like you may feel more negative feelings toward you from being used/manipulated/deceived than you ever generated in positive feelings.

   Once you have chosen the interest(s) you want to concentrate on, learn something about them.  If you were already interested, you may have this part already accomplished.  If not, don't worry about acquiring in-depth knowledge, all you need is to learn enough to know how to ask questions about it.

3. Bring Up The Subject
   

   Now that you know enough to ask questions, find a way to bring up the subject with the person.  There are an almost infinite number of ways to do this, but make sure it doesn't sound artificial.  It can be as simple as using a news story that has some relationship, drop a hint that you are doing something related to it (ie if you want to bring up writing with me, you might mention something that you are writing/have written), or just point out something that reminds you of it (if the topic of interest is dogs, and you see a cloud that sort of resembles one, you can use that).  It doesn't really matter how you bring it up, as long as it doesn't sound forced.

4. Ask Them To Teach Or Explain Something
   

   Now that you have brought up the subject once, it will be easier to bring up again… you can say something like "I was thinking about what you said the other day…" and it's natural and brings up the subject again.  It also makes it easy to move on to this step… you just add "and I was wondering " along with "what you think about x", "what you meant by y", "how you learned z", or anything else of the sort… making it into a question about them and their knowledge.  If the area of interest is one where they might be considered an advanced amateur or a pro, you might ask them to teach you how to do something in the field.  If they are more beginner or just moving to amateur, you might do better asking them what they think about something in the field.  Whatever their status in the area, you'll usually do well by asking what they think about a specific piece of recent news that involves or is related to that area of interest.

   There really are a lot of ways you can go with this, but the idea is to get them talking about something they care about, something that also is of interest to you.  Once they start talking, just sit back and listen, encouraging them sometimes, possibly injecting some additional information or expanding a little on something they said where you are in agreement, but mostly letting them do the talking.

I mentioned at the beginning of this article that one way to make anyone like you is to ask them to teach you something.  Notice that I said "teach", not "tell"… that's because you have to actually listen, pay attention, and learn what they are teaching.  That's also why I said you need to pick something in which you are genuinely interested… if you are only faking interest, it's going to require a LOT of investment of your energy to continue to pay attention and learn.  And the amount of energy it takes is only going to go up as you go along, thus bringing you to the point where you can no longer fake it.

So, there you have it… a simple way to make anyone like you.  Use it in happiness and health. 

We all know someone who plays the game of one-upsmanship, and at least for the guys, have probably at least been tempted to play the game ourselves at some point (sorry girls… I don't know how much you play the game amongst yourselves, I have a lot more experience being a guy ).  What is the game of one-upsmanship?

It's the game where the player has to be better (or worse) than everyone else.  If you have a fast car, they have (or even more likely, had) a faster or more expensive one.  If you were really sick, they've been sicker.  Whatever you have or do, they have had or done something bigger, more attention getting.

And you see, that in itself is part of the game… whatever they are "one-up"-ing you with, it's almost always something that you have no way of verifying.  Nobody else around was there or even saw it.  There is no proof as to whether they are telling the truth or not… but when they do it often enough, you may start to have a pretty strong suspicion about ALL of it.

Now to the fun part… why do people play that game?  What does it tell you about them?   Let's list out why some people have to be better than you:

1. They Need Attention
   

   One of the biggest reasons why people have to "be better than you" is because they crave attention.  They believe, quite reasonably, that they will get more attention than you if they have out-done you.  It's quite reasonable to believe this because it is, in fact, true.  When it happens every time and is impossible to verify, however, people will cease to believe the person doing it, giving them even less attention than they originally did, until they get to the point that they are ignored even when they ARE telling the truth.  It's the whole "boy who cried wolf" syndrome.

2. They Need To Compete
   

   Guys are especially notorious for this, although my female friends have told me that the competition and infighting among women is just as bad… it's just hidden better.  So… if you have an overwhelming need to compete, what easier way to do so than to play the game of one-upsmanship?  You have a famous friend?  They have one that's more famous… or more than one that is famous.  You had a friend die?  They had one die in a more tragic way.  They're competing… in EVERYTHING.  Of course, this part backfires as well… once people get the impression that someone has to compete on everything, they tend to discount what they say, and when possible, not allow them to compete at all, by excluding the competer from whatever everyone else is doing.

3.  They Can't "Lose Face"
   

   Guys, in general, are especially sensitive to looking bad in front of other people… even more so when the other person is a woman, and even more than THAT when she's attractive.  A lot of one-upsmanship occurs for this reason… it's closely related to the need to compete, listed above, but not the same.  The additional pressure of trying to impress a specific person, whether an attractive woman or someone who commands much respect, can cause guys who normally wouldn't play the game to start.  Like the things listed above, however, doing this a lot backfires… nobody really likes someone who always has to be better, even if the person is doing it to someone else.

4. And It All Boils Down To… They Are Insecure
   

   All three of the points above boil down to the fact that the person doing it is uncertain about their own worth, uncertain that people will like or respect them for who they are, rather than what they have or do.  The reverse is closer to the truth, though.  People DO respect someone who has the honesty and integrity to be themselves, to admit when they don't know something, to give respect to someone who deserves it without diminishing themselves.  And, to be honest, if you ARE secure in your own worth, it doesn't really matter what other people think about you… so you have no incentive to play the game

Everyone knows someone who always has to be "better than you", and I can state with quite a bit of confidence that your mental reaction when you think of them is distate or stronger.  Even if you play the game yourself, you probably don't like other people who do the same.

When someone always has to emphasize how they are better than everyone else, everyone else assumes the reverse… that the person's character, demeanor, and observable actions aren't enough to speak for themselves.  That's not really the reaction that anyone wants, and those who play the game would be well advised to stop.

So… why play the game at all?

Aaron has tagged me for another writing challenge (Caring, Compassion, Charity from Alex Shalman) as well, and this is something that I have been thinking about** for years, and have actually come up with some plans, though they require far more money than I have currently.  Who knows, perhaps this article will bring me into contact with someone who has the same passion as I do, but has the money to back it.

Alex, in the article linked above, says his passion is for taking care of children… so is mine, but with a different focus.  You see, I believe that a lot of the negative things in the U.S. and in the world come from the fact that children are no longer taught how to be an adult.  One of my passions is to build an alternate school system in the U.S. that actually teaches kids the things they need to know… both as far as academics go, and in regards to how to be an independent adult.

So what are some of the flaws with current school system?  I'll limit this to just a few…

Kids Are No Longer Expected To Earn Their Rewards

Every year the school system in the U.S. marches farther and farther down the path to just giving kids credit for being present, rather than for actually learning and doing the work.  At some schools students have to be unable to learn or apply over half of the material taught in the class before they fail!  What's the point of the class if you only require them to learn half of the material?

The schools here are also trying to eliminate competition in physical education, sports, and the playground.  If there are no winners, if hard work gets you the same result as little to no work, what is that teaching our children?  One thing it certainly isn't teaching is a good work ethic. 

Punishment Doesn't Fit The Crime

This works both ways… kids are allowed to get away with ridiculous things with little or no punishment for disrupting class, disrespecting the teacher, and sometimes even threatening the teacher or other students.  After the lack of enforcement has its entirely predictable effect, draconian punishments are handed out for minor offenses, like a ten day suspension (or even expulsion) for bringing aspirin to school.  If they would just let teachers enforce discipline at the class level, and then back those teachers up at the administrative level, we could prevent the former, and with oversight and accountability we could eliminate the latter.

Teacher Ability Has Nothing To Do With Teacher Reward

Throughout most of the U.S. teachers receive the same compensation whether the percentage of students who pass is 50% or 100%.  And, of course, if you are going to use passing percentage to determine teacher quality, then you have to remove the ability for the teacher to give easy grades, and standardize.  It would also let you include other, better (but not quite as obvious) criteria, like the improvement in kids from one year to the next.

Here's a quick excerpt from my thinking** on this:

We already have (at least) state-wide standards for what needs to be covered in a class.  We just need to expand that a little bit further, and have a panel of non-teachers write questions for testing that knowledge, and then have computers randomly choose from a pool of questions to create a test for a specific student.  If you want to take that one step further, you also submit those tests (once taken) to another independent panel to grade them.  You have now taken away all ability for a teacher to play favorites (or its opposite, giving bad grades to a student they don't like), as well as to grade easily or harshly.  You have also standardized what is taught to students, so that you can have a good idea what someone who has graduated from a particular grade knows.

It also doesn't take away the freedom of the teacher to teach beyond the tests… but that material isn't what has been determined is essential to graduating that class, so it is just bonus knowledge for the students. 

This method would provide a good way to measure the performance of individual teachers up through schools and even to school districts or an entire state.  Compensation could be based on this performance, encouraging good teachers to stay, average teachers to improve their performance, and bad teachers to leave.  It also provides a very good way to compare the academic performance of individual students from different schools and different teachers… which I'm certain would interest colleges.

My passion is to change the schools… what's yours?

** I really have been thinking about this for years, and have documented some of my thinking, so if you are seriously interested, you can comment on here or send me an email at jasonivers at yahoo.

I've been tagged by Aaron to participate in Lorraine's "What Gives You Courage?" challenge.  The challenge is to write an article that covers:

What’s the bravest thing you ever did that you’re most proud of? What gave you courage to be brave then, that continues to give you courage today?

I do want to respond, but I'm going to have to respond in other than the expected fashion.  Because, you see, I don't believe in that kind of bravery or courage.  Courage (I'm going to stick to that word, and leave bravery here) isn't about one thing you did, or one moment. 

Courage is something that is in all of your life, and your courage will be reflected in each one of your actions, your choices, to one degree or another.  The chance that someone will do something courageous in one set of circumstances and cowardly in another, unless separated by enough time that the person has changed substantially, is remote.  To put it bluntly, you are either courageous or you are not.

In my recent article,  Courage Without Limit – The End Of Doubt And Fear, I wrote about how you build unfailing, unblinking courage.  Essentially it boils down to getting rid of the clutter on the surface of your mind, and always making any decision by choosing the path that best reflects who you are and who you want to be.  There will always only be one choice that best reflects who you are, and that choice is the right choice for you.  Once you learn to do that every time, your courage is complete, because there is no fear… and fear is the only thing holding you back from acting courageously.

That kind of courage will be reflected in a moment, when you choose whether to risk your life to save another, and in a lifetime, as you learn and grow to be more of who you want to be.  It gives you the courage to make huge decisions with long reaching impact, because it's not the outcome you're focused on, it's the path leading into the future.

So the only answer that I can give to the questions Lorraine asked is:  Being open and honest with myself and others about who I am, and living my life that way… because that is what courage is.

Everyone has days where they lose their focus, where things are happening too fast and the stress level is rising, carrying the frustration level with it.  Knowing that, however, doesn't make them any more pleasant.  What you really want is a way to quickly refocus and dump the stress.

There are many books, magazines, and other places to find ways to reduce stress in your life, but what about things that you can do in just a minute or two, not things that require a change in the way you live your life?  Well, you're in luck, because today I'm going to list a few ways that you can release stress and refocus in less than 3 minutes.

And now, with no further introduction, 5 quick ways to refocus and release stress:

1. Quick Breathing Exercises
   

   Breathing exercises are a VERY useful tool for refocusing.  It's even a good idea to do a really quick breathing exercise before using the other techniques listed here.  The idea is simple… adjust your posture to something approximating proper posture, but still comfortable, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing… breathing deeply helps, but isn't necessarily required.  Focus on the feeling of the breath coming in and the feeling of it going out… a lot of people neglect the exhale, but it's where a lot of the relaxing happens.

2. Visualization
   

   This is a great technique, too.  All you do is close your eyes and picture yourself somewhere that is peaceful for you.  I like the mountains or the beach for this, personally, and I usually picture myself alone… but it should be wherever you feel safe and at peace, and with whomever brings that feeling, as well.

3. Smells
   

   Remembering smells can help you to relax, but it works even better if you can find something with the smell that brings back fond memories.  You might try a candle (you don't even have to light it), a spray, or a perfume/cologne, depending on what smells make you feel comfortable and safe.  Don't worry about what is sold as relaxing, pick something that brings comforting feelings to you.

4. Drifting
   

   Letting yourself mentally drift for just a couple minutes can really unburden you.  This one is definitely one that can stretch to over 3 minutes if you let it, but can offer considerable relief when limited to 3 minutes, as well.  This is one that works especially well with #1… do #1 for a few seconds, and then move to this one.

5. Stretch
   

   This is one technique that can't really be applied everywhere, and is another one that can stretch (Get it?  Stretch… sorry, I love bad jokes/puns) to more than 3 minutes.  Given that you have the space to do it (and won't offend people), however, stretching can release a lot of tension, especially if you pay attention to your breathing while doing it.  For keeping it quick and not bothering other people, I suggest rotating your head, shrugging your shoulders both backward and forward, and doing a quick tighten and release on each major muscle group… tighten it while breathing in, hold it 3-5 seconds, then release it as you breathe out.

Now, when you're having one of those days (and how appropriate that this article is coming on a Monday?), you can use one of these methods to quickly get back into the swing of things, renewing your focus and shedding stress and frustration.

PS – If you have more quick relaxation techniques, please let me know in the comments… I'm always looking for new ways.