Editor’s note:   This is a guest article from Tonya Vrba.  Her work has been published in newspapers and blogs.

At least once in our life, we have heard that love comes when one isn’t looking. The dawn of online dating has somewhat changed this idea. Now, even those who are desperately searching for love can try their chances online. Participation on an online dating site does not necessarily guarantee you a happily ever after. There are certain personality traits of a person who isn’t looking for love that simply make them attractive. If you are in a slump and want nothing more than to be in a loving relationship, take note from those who are not looking.

• Confidence

  Often one of the most attractive traits a person can have is confidence in themselves. Those who are happy and single tend to have a lot of confidence in who they are as an individual. Numerous failed attempts at love can have devastating effects on confidence and make a person feel they are worthless. Spend time with friends and family who value you just as you are. You are an individual… be proud of who you are.

• Find A Hobby

  Cruising dating sites is not a hobby. Most profiles on dating sites list hobbies and interests. There are plenty of obvious hobbies people can do alone, like watching movies or reading. To make yourself stand out on and off line, try to find a hobby that can be done solo and in a group. Indoor rock climbing can often be done alone if a facility has automatic belay devices. It can also be a great activity to do together. Ed. note:  This is very important, regardless of your relationship status… hobbies are often lost as a relationship goes along.  Your hobby should be something that you truly enjoy, not something to impress others or something JUST to be doing something (alone or with others).  Some people love reading, some love writing, some love drawing, wood-working, or cooking.  It doesn’t really matter what it is that you love, nearly anything can be a hobby, and working on your hobby can be one of the most effective ways at letting go of stress and finding peace.

• Discover Your Calling

  People are often attracted to those who have a purpose. A person who is not looking for love may be focused on their career, education or another passion they have. Drive, ambition and dedication are necessary components to reach a goal. Likewise, they are also very good qualities to have in a relationship. No one will fall in love with you for being desperate, but they may fall in love with your passion for helping others or ambition to start your own business.  Discover your calling in life and go for it. – Ed. note:  Passion is the EASIEST thing to fall in love with, especially if you either share the passion, admire it, or wish you had it.  In fact, I believe it’s difficult to fall deeply in love without it.

• Don’t Be Desperate

  No one wants to feel like your caretaker. This is often where people fail, even when dating online. Someone who is desperate for love will often bend at will to anything their date says. Desperation automatically erases the gains you made with the above three qualities. There is a lot of pressure involved in being someone’s only friend, only interest, and only source of confidence. A date is likely to feel he or she cannot provide you with all you need. – Ed. note:  Actually, sometimes people DO want to be your caretaker/parental figure, or your only friend/interest/etc., but those relationships seldom work out well, as they can be overwhelming to both sides.

Remember above all else that you are deserving of love and companionship. Don’t lament the characteristics you have that make you unique. Someday, those will be the very reason someone falls in love with you. The best part of relationships, especially in the beginning, is how two people can learn and grow with one another. If you are doing all the learning and none of the teaching, you will have a problem. Embrace and love who you are.

When you can find a reason to love yourself, others will start to love you too.

Editor’s note:  This is the second guest article in a short time… are you enjoying them?  Please let me, and the author, know what you think by leaving a comment below.