Each relationship, like each person, is unique… it has its own patterns, memories, needs. You could almost say it has its own personality.
Of course, with each relationship being unique, each has different needs, as well. Some relationships need a lot of help with communication, some with insecurity issues, some with something else.
One thing almost any relationship can use, however, is a closer connection. Emotional intimacy is the bond that determines the real strength, depth, and power of a relationship… the closer the bond, the stronger the relationship.
So, you want to be closer… now how do you go about doing it? The answer, of course, varies somewhat, as with all things having to do with relationships. I do, however, have a few easy suggestions that you can try.
7 Easy Ways To Be Closer And Have More Intimacy:
Create A New “Tradition”
By tradition, in this case, I simply mean something that you do on a regularly scheduled basis. It could be going to a certain restaurant, watching a movie on the first Saturday of every month, or anything else that involves spending time together, that you do at a certain time or date.
By making it regularly scheduled, you make it something that you can count on and look forward to, as well as making it less likely that you’ll blow it off to do something else.
Have Slow Time
Having slow time together is absolutely vital. If you don’t take the time to have slow time together, even if you both like fast-paced lives, your relationship will have a hard time growing past a certain point… mostly due to the fact that slow time is when your intimacy grows and your relationship deepens.
You can find a few suggestions on how to have slow time here.
Learn Something New Together
Learning something new together, as long as you are relaxed about it, can be a great way to get closer. As you learn, and help each other, it builds shared experiences, which are a cornerstone of intimacy. It’s also simply more time together, when you’re really together, not just in the same place.
Have A Date
People who have been together for a while, especially once they are married, tend to forget that they need special dates, despite the fact that they see each other every day. Dates are different than your every day experiences together… they are going out of your way to dedicate your time and attention to your significant other, making that time special to the two of you.
If you haven’t had a date with your spouse for a while, you might be amazed at how much difference it can make, especially if you’ve been struggling a bit.
Tell Each Other Something New
Another good way to get closer is to tell your significant other something new about your self. It could be a childhood memory, and dream that you had and gave up, something mildly embarrassing that you like… it doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as you’re opening yourself up more.
The one exception is telling them something you really should have told them before but had kept from them, such as a previous marriage, etc., where the blow to their trust is far greater than the intimacy gained… however, every secret that you DO keep is one more thing keeping you further apart.
Something else along the same lines that you can do is to ask open ended questions… there are a few creative questions here.
Make Something Yours
Making something yours is a great way to be closer, too. What does it mean to make something yours? It means that you take something, even something very ordinary, and make it something special that you share with your partner.
My wife and I, for example, watch the show Heroes together online… and only at night, after the kids are sleeping. It’s our special time, our special thing, that we don’t share with anyone else. Find something that you can make yours… it could be a song that has meaning for you, a special movie, or a particular restaurant. Make it yours… don’t share it with anyone but your significant other, and it can become another special bond between you.
Do Something Very Personal
Another great way to get closer is to do something very personal for each other on a regular basis, something like once per month. By very personal, I mean something that comes from you… if you have a passion for drawing, it could be a picture. If your love is cooking, it could be a new special dish.
It doesn’t really matter what it is, just that it reflects who you are, and that you devoted enough of your time and attention to your significant other that you made something for them that contains a piece of you.
These are just a few suggestions… there are a lot of other ways to get closer. Hopefully at least one of the ways listed above will work for you, and hopefully some of you will have some suggestions for me… you can leave them in the comments, or email them to me.
Let me know how it goes… if anything works particularly badly or surprisingly well!
I’m hoping to start a new “feature” here, where I answer a reader question every Friday. In order to do this, it’s going to require that you, the readers, ask me questions. You can do that in one of two ways… you can leave a comment asking (preferrably mentioning “Answer Friday”, if you want that sort of answer) or you can email me at jasonivers at yahoo dot com. Please send away… I’ll be waiting.
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