You are probably (again, I’m guessing, as I don’t know you specifically) also refusing to notice or acknowledge the good things he does, and blaming him for things that would normally pass without fuss, because you have not forgiven him for the specific events you mentioned. When you already are not forgiving someone for something, you make it much harder for yourself to accept trivial things as trivial (How could you not put your socks away! etc.), because they are straws atop a camel’s back that is already straining.

He did something wrong… as long as he truly accepts and acknowledges that, and is sorry for it, the burden is now on you. You are going to have to either get past it, and work on rebuilding your trust (from the ground up, if necessary, and it may be), or calling it off. You cannot hold him to account forever for something that is in the past, that he is not doing any more, and that he has acknowledge was wrong, and regrets that he did. You cannot possibly have a successful relationship that way… after all, if someone would never let something go about you, how would you continue to motivate yourself to make the effort?

You need to have a really open, honest conversation, and you need to determine whether you think he has done what I said above (knows, and ACCEPTS, that it is wrong, and is truly sorry that he did it). You also need to make sure that when you have this conversation, you don’t approach it as a competition, or a fight… you can’t come at him, using words that hurt him, and cut him, without expecting him to hit back. It’s a very rare person that can handle straight up attacks and both be open and not attack back. So make sure that you are approaching it in as positive a fashion as you can, have that conversation, and then take the time to really consider it and make your decision.

That’s the best advice I can offer at the moment, knowing nothing more of either of you, or anything of the situation beyond what you said in your comment.

Here’s something else for you to think about… if he cares so little for you to do things that hurt you, and mess around with other women, why is he so special to you that you stay with him? You say you have small children (I don’t know if they are his, you didn’t specify)… an environment like that, where one parent figure disrespects and treats the other as worth much less, is terrible for them. They may learn that that is the way it’s supposed to be, and end up in relationships like that themselves. Staying with someone “for the children” is never valid… if the relationship is dysfunctional for the parents, the children will see that and learn that as normal, hurting them later in life.

I’m not straight up recommending that you leave, but I am recommending that you look at why you are staying. If you have a good reason to stay, then force each other to confront whatever the issues are between you, and remember that you cannot change another person… you may be reason enough for them to change, but you cannot make them change (literally cannot, not just “should not”).

You really should look at whether this is the person you want to spend your life with, and do something accordingly… if he is, make it happen, even if you have to find a way to go to him. If he isn’t, then start letting go now, so you can strengthen yourself for a good start to your next relationship.

It’s unfortunate that you had to go through what you did to break out of where you were, but it’s a good thing that you are now grown past it. I hope that you get your chance, and that you can use this as a starting point to make yourself stronger.

Good luck… if there’s anything I can do to help, to answer any questions, please let me know.

Jason