Comments on: 8 Ways To Show Your Husband You Love Him http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/ Helping To Find Everyday Miracles Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:23:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jason http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1201 Jason Tue, 17 Jan 2012 18:37:08 +0000 You're welcome... it's easy to get used to things, and forget to appreciate them any more, to forget how much better "the norm" is than the way it was before. It's also easy to get to where you avoid things that cause discomfort or pain (of the mental/emotional variety), but feeling that pain is essential... you can't block out only negative emotions, so when you try to avoid all emotional pain, you end up avoiding all emotional joy, too. Instead, you need to let yourself feel the pain, let it pass over you and through you, and then it won't anchor so hard in you, leaving you with much more ability to find (and appreciate) the joy and beauty that is always around you. You’re welcome… it’s easy to get used to things, and forget to appreciate them any more, to forget how much better “the norm” is than the way it was before. It’s also easy to get to where you avoid things that cause discomfort or pain (of the mental/emotional variety), but feeling that pain is essential… you can’t block out only negative emotions, so when you try to avoid all emotional pain, you end up avoiding all emotional joy, too. Instead, you need to let yourself feel the pain, let it pass over you and through you, and then it won’t anchor so hard in you, leaving you with much more ability to find (and appreciate) the joy and beauty that is always around you.

]]> By: maggie http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1199 maggie Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:06:25 +0000 this info has really put things into prospective for me. i never really considered any of this and now reading this i can see where my husband is coming from when he says he doenst feel loved by me. i do love him so much but guess i have gotten so used to the rutt we are in and just thought this is what married life is like. in the start i was so touchy and feely always wanted to be in the bedroom very talkitive and after 6 yeas i guess that side of me has faded into the distance. i didnt even realise how unhappy and unloved he felt until things blew up on christmas day and he opened himself up to me and said he has been trying for the last year to see if we can make our family work but doesnt think it can anymore. i am constantly putting him down in front of his friends without eve realising it i guess it has become some what a second nature for me, and showing more interest in his friends and being nice to his friends that him and i have no idea why i do that. reading your article has given me a few things to focus on, he is this best man i have ever known i just hope we can get back to how it used to be thanks alot for this article. this info has really put things into prospective for me. i never really considered any of this and now reading this i can see where my husband is coming from when he says he doenst feel loved by me. i do love him so much but guess i have gotten so used to the rutt we are in and just thought this is what married life is like. in the start i was so touchy and feely always wanted to be in the bedroom very talkitive and after 6 yeas i guess that side of me has faded into the distance. i didnt even realise how unhappy and unloved he felt until things blew up on christmas day and he opened himself up to me and said he has been trying for the last year to see if we can make our family work but doesnt think it can anymore. i am constantly putting him down in front of his friends without eve realising it i guess it has become some what a second nature for me, and showing more interest in his friends and being nice to his friends that him and i have no idea why i do that. reading your article has given me a few things to focus on, he is this best man i have ever known i just hope we can get back to how it used to be thanks alot for this article.

]]> By: Tia Lee http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1196 Tia Lee Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:57:34 +0000 Jason, it is great for you to supply a site with kind thoughts and practices to cherish and hold a relationship together, offering ways that have worked for you, and likely others. I feel it unfortunate that Heather, clearly angry and likely alone, has to insult you through her commentary. Heather, if you feel there is better ways for Jason to write, then clearly there is room for you to improve your attitude and your comments and not just find an internet site to rant on while you hide behind the anonymity of cyber space an bullying your wee audience with you angry, polluted commentary. I really like the information provided - a thoughtful column that I found while cruising around the internet waiting for the frost to abate so my husband and I can go and work outside today in balmy January on the West Coast - my husband is a very strong man, and I a very strong woman, and it is good for us to compliment one another on our respective strengths - we do marry in order to complement and work together at making a life! Thank you Jason. Jason, it is great for you to supply a site with kind thoughts and practices to cherish and hold a relationship together, offering ways that have worked for you, and likely others. I feel it unfortunate that Heather, clearly angry and likely alone, has to insult you through her commentary. Heather, if you feel there is better ways for Jason to write, then clearly there is room for you to improve your attitude and your comments and not just find an internet site to rant on while you hide behind the anonymity of cyber space an bullying your wee audience with you angry, polluted commentary.

I really like the information provided – a thoughtful column that I found while cruising around the internet waiting for the frost to abate so my husband and I can go and work outside today in balmy January on the West Coast – my husband is a very strong man, and I a very strong woman, and it is good for us to compliment one another on our respective strengths – we do marry in order to complement and work together at making a life! Thank you Jason.

]]> By: Jason http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1188 Jason Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:54:49 +0000 It is possible that is the case, yes. Someone who has been hurt badly will often have trouble opening themselves up enough to tell you, and by doing so make themselves vulnerable to being hurt by you. This is even more likely if he actually uses the words that you used "He says it is good and that he is happy and that there it’s nothing more I could do." That last part especially can actually mean "There is nothing more that I'm going to tell you." or "There is nothing more that I'm worthy of" (especially if his previous marriage ended by his wife leaving him or cheating on him, and you already said he felt unloved). Here is another thing to think about, though... when you tell him what makes you feel unloved and unimportant, or what will help, how many things do you tell him? It's very hard to make one change in habits established over months and years, let alone several at the same time. Why don't you figure out what the one thing is that would make you feel more loved (or less unloved), that is a reasonably small change for him? As an example, one of the things that makes me feel the most loved is being greeted at the door with love (hugs and kisses) when I come home from work. This is a small thing for my wife, but a big thing for me... it helps me to transition from being closed off at work to open and loved at home. I don't know what similar level of action thing would work for you... A call at lunch, to show he's thinking of you? A written note a couple of times per week? Try to find something along that level of effort. If it's a daily thing, help him to remember... thank him when he does it, and tell him how much you appreciate it. That makes it, in his head, a small effort for a decent reward. If he can keep doing that one thing for a month, it will be established as a new habit, and then you can try to find another one thing for him to add (or stop). In this way, he's not trying to change his whole nature at once, which is incredibly hard to keep up without a major trauma providing the motive behind it, but instead just making one small change. As far as the not making him happy thing, though... he may actually be happy, and just content with what you already do and don't do. If he's not, it's likely going to be really hard to get him to tell you what it really is that he wants... the only real way is to establish trust through him starting to make you happy (or at least not making you unhappy), and you, showing how open you are to him, showing him that you REALLY want to do something special in return. If he believes it, and is feeling comfortable right then (i.e. it's after a good day together, etc.), he may actually tell you what it is that he would really like. Alright, that was long enough to be an entire article... sorry. I hope you see this and it helps you. It is possible that is the case, yes. Someone who has been hurt badly will often have trouble opening themselves up enough to tell you, and by doing so make themselves vulnerable to being hurt by you. This is even more likely if he actually uses the words that you used “He says it is good and that he is happy and that there it’s nothing more I could do.” That last part especially can actually mean “There is nothing more that I’m going to tell you.” or “There is nothing more that I’m worthy of” (especially if his previous marriage ended by his wife leaving him or cheating on him, and you already said he felt unloved).

Here is another thing to think about, though… when you tell him what makes you feel unloved and unimportant, or what will help, how many things do you tell him? It’s very hard to make one change in habits established over months and years, let alone several at the same time. Why don’t you figure out what the one thing is that would make you feel more loved (or less unloved), that is a reasonably small change for him? As an example, one of the things that makes me feel the most loved is being greeted at the door with love (hugs and kisses) when I come home from work. This is a small thing for my wife, but a big thing for me… it helps me to transition from being closed off at work to open and loved at home. I don’t know what similar level of action thing would work for you… A call at lunch, to show he’s thinking of you? A written note a couple of times per week? Try to find something along that level of effort.

If it’s a daily thing, help him to remember… thank him when he does it, and tell him how much you appreciate it. That makes it, in his head, a small effort for a decent reward. If he can keep doing that one thing for a month, it will be established as a new habit, and then you can try to find another one thing for him to add (or stop). In this way, he’s not trying to change his whole nature at once, which is incredibly hard to keep up without a major trauma providing the motive behind it, but instead just making one small change.

As far as the not making him happy thing, though… he may actually be happy, and just content with what you already do and don’t do. If he’s not, it’s likely going to be really hard to get him to tell you what it really is that he wants… the only real way is to establish trust through him starting to make you happy (or at least not making you unhappy), and you, showing how open you are to him, showing him that you REALLY want to do something special in return. If he believes it, and is feeling comfortable right then (i.e. it’s after a good day together, etc.), he may actually tell you what it is that he would really like.

Alright, that was long enough to be an entire article… sorry. I hope you see this and it helps you.

]]> By: anonymous http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1187 anonymous Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:20:42 +0000 This is very similar to the five love languages. I just in the last couple of months began to incorporate this into my relationship. It makes me happy to know that I can do things to show him what I feel inside. Sometimes the word love is too little. He has also read the book and we have discussed it. However, I feel very little reciprocating by him. On several different occasions, I've told him how I feel. I use the phrase, "My love tank is low" I ask him if his is low or if I'm not meeting his needs. I recognize that often people stop showing love if they are not shown/feeling love. He says it is good and that he is happy and that there it's nothing more I could do. He tells me I'm doing a good job at making him feel loved. We talk about what will make me feel loved. It is kind of hard. But I'm able to tell him what makes me feel unloved and unimportant. I tell him some things that will help. He promises to work on it and does. It will last a couple weeks and then we are back where we were before. He loves me. I know he does because he tells me all the time, I just feel unloved. He was married before and tells me the pain of being hurt and unloved so he knows the feeling. What am I doing wrong? How can I effectively communicate this to him? Is it possible that I might not be making him happy and feeling loved even if he tells me so? This is very similar to the five love languages. I just in the last couple of months began to incorporate this into my relationship. It makes me happy to know that I can do things to show him what I feel inside. Sometimes the word love is too little. He has also read the book and we have discussed it. However, I feel very little reciprocating by him. On several different occasions, I’ve told him how I feel. I use the phrase, “My love tank is low” I ask him if his is low or if I’m not meeting his needs. I recognize that often people stop showing love if they are not shown/feeling love. He says it is good and that he is happy and that there it’s nothing more I could do. He tells me I’m doing a good job at making him feel loved. We talk about what will make me feel loved. It is kind of hard. But I’m able to tell him what makes me feel unloved and unimportant. I tell him some things that will help. He promises to work on it and does. It will last a couple weeks and then we are back where we were before. He loves me. I know he does because he tells me all the time, I just feel unloved. He was married before and tells me the pain of being hurt and unloved so he knows the feeling. What am I doing wrong? How can I effectively communicate this to him? Is it possible that I might not be making him happy and feeling loved even if he tells me so?

]]> By: Madison http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1149 Madison Fri, 02 Dec 2011 18:53:54 +0000 Hello Amy and Jason, I just want you to know that I admire that you have been married about ten years. I am just coming up on two! :) Being married is the greatest thing ever! I don’t want to be someone that pushes things on people..but because of the love I can see that you have for each other, I feel like I should mention to you “eternal marriage.” It is the best thing ever. I don’t see why some people just want to be married for “life.” (Of course, some people don’t even know that they can be sealed for eternity…which is why I’m mentioning this) When someone really loves someone, I’d think they’d want to be with them forever! :) For time and all eternity! It is possible, and if you write me back I can tell you how. Also, thank you for this great article. I love my husband so much and always want him to know that I love him so very much. Sincerely, Madison Hello Amy and Jason,
I just want you to know that I admire that you have been married about ten years. I am just coming up on two! :) Being married is the greatest thing ever! I don’t want to be someone that pushes things on people..but because of the love I can see that you have for each other, I feel like I should mention to you “eternal marriage.” It is the best thing ever. I don’t see why some people just want to be married for “life.” (Of course, some people don’t even know that they can be sealed for eternity…which is why I’m mentioning this) When someone really loves someone, I’d think they’d want to be with them forever! :) For time and all eternity! It is possible, and if you write me back I can tell you how.

Also, thank you for this great article. I love my husband so much and always want him to know that I love him so very much.

Sincerely,
Madison

]]> By: Madison http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1148 Madison Fri, 02 Dec 2011 18:13:20 +0000 Hello Amy and Jason, I just want you to know that I admire that you have been married about ten years. I am just coming up on two! :) Being married is the greatest thing ever! I don't want to be someone that pushes things on people..but because of the love I can see that you have for each other, I feel like I should mention to you "eternal marriage." It is the best thing ever. I don't see why some people just want to be married for "life." (Of course, some people don't even know that they can be sealed for eternity...which is why I'm mentioning this) When someone really loves someone, I'd think they'd want to be with them forever! :) For time and all eternity! It is possible, and if you write me back I can tell you how. Also, thank you for this great article. I love my husband so much and always want him to know that I love him so very much. Sincerely, Madison Hello Amy and Jason,
I just want you to know that I admire that you have been married about ten years. I am just coming up on two! :) Being married is the greatest thing ever! I don’t want to be someone that pushes things on people..but because of the love I can see that you have for each other, I feel like I should mention to you “eternal marriage.” It is the best thing ever. I don’t see why some people just want to be married for “life.” (Of course, some people don’t even know that they can be sealed for eternity…which is why I’m mentioning this) When someone really loves someone, I’d think they’d want to be with them forever! :) For time and all eternity! It is possible, and if you write me back I can tell you how.

Also, thank you for this great article. I love my husband so much and always want him to know that I love him so very much.

Sincerely,
Madison

]]> By: Absolutely http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1128 Absolutely Sun, 27 Nov 2011 20:09:23 +0000 I must say, this article is not only helpfully information but also very true. There are men who can make women have negative responses here as such however, women forget the powerful things that Love (real love) can do for a marriage (real marriage ).... This article works on one who will in return love you for giving them "special attention ". Let us not forget "what we really want... Real Love" and this article is fir real lovers I must say, this article is not only helpfully information but also very true. There are men who can make women have negative responses here as such however, women forget the powerful things that Love (real love) can do for a marriage (real marriage )…. This article works on one who will in return love you for giving them “special attention “. Let us not forget “what we really want… Real Love” and this article is fir real lovers

]]> By: Mikey http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1119 Mikey Mon, 21 Nov 2011 20:06:32 +0000 You have got to be kidding!!!??? Obviously this was written BY a woman FOR women. Why are so many Christian marriages unhappy? I mean come on, we have the ultimate answer to life. Shouldn't our marriages be so much better than the world around us? One answer is because we have allowed Satan to twist our thinking. He has managed to make marriage something rather meaningless in the world aournd us. While at the same time making our own marriages rather joyless. Do you REALLY want to tell your husband you love him? Look to Song of Soloman. Yes ladies, that is right. The absolute best way to tell most husbands "I love you" is to please him with the gift of sex that God has uniquely given you the ability to give. But of course this truth is not going to show up on most Christian sites. Why? Because Satan has turned sex into some sort of dirty word to most Christians. He has tricked us into turning our backs on somethign that God gave married couples to give them joy. A lot of joy! Take it back! It should be at the VERY TOP of any list like this. And yes, I do mean the very top. You have got to be kidding!!!??? Obviously this was written BY a woman FOR women.

Why are so many Christian marriages unhappy? I mean come on, we have the ultimate answer to life. Shouldn’t our marriages be so much better than the world around us?

One answer is because we have allowed Satan to twist our thinking. He has managed to make marriage something rather meaningless in the world aournd us. While at the same time making our own marriages rather joyless.

Do you REALLY want to tell your husband you love him? Look to Song of Soloman. Yes ladies, that is right. The absolute best way to tell most husbands “I love you” is to please him with the gift of sex that God has uniquely given you the ability to give.

But of course this truth is not going to show up on most Christian sites. Why? Because Satan has turned sex into some sort of dirty word to most Christians. He has tricked us into turning our backs on somethign that God gave married couples to give them joy. A lot of joy!

Take it back! It should be at the VERY TOP of any list like this. And yes, I do mean the very top.

]]> By: Jason http://www.amiracleaday.com/articles/2007/08/15/8-ways-to-show-your-husband-you-love-him/#comment-1104 Jason Tue, 08 Nov 2011 20:35:19 +0000 It's amazing how much the greeting that I get when I get home after working all day can set the tone of the entire day. It can make a bad day okay, make a neutral day good, or a good day great. It can also do the opposite, unfortunately... but my family is pretty good about dropping what they are doing to come give me a hug, and getting hugs from people you love as much as I love my family can really go a long way toward lifting your day into positive territory. It’s amazing how much the greeting that I get when I get home after working all day can set the tone of the entire day. It can make a bad day okay, make a neutral day good, or a good day great. It can also do the opposite, unfortunately… but my family is pretty good about dropping what they are doing to come give me a hug, and getting hugs from people you love as much as I love my family can really go a long way toward lifting your day into positive territory.

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