Women always seem to have a hard time recognizing when a man is an alligator (or gator, for short) looking for easy prey.  A gator is a man that tricks women into starting or continuing a relationship.  This is most often, from what I have seen, because he has more than one woman (or is looking for more than one… he may not show many of these signs if you’re the only one he has currently).

I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to point these signs out to my friends of the female persuasion, and most of time, even when I do, they refuse to believe… THEIR guy couldn’t possibly be a gator.  Until the guy does something so obvious even they can’t ignore it.  And then they fall for it again with the next guy.  And the next.

Women, please pay attention… if your man does one of these things, it’s a warning sign.  If he does all of them, he’s clearly identifying himself as a gator.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. No PDA (Public Display of Affection)

   Now admittedly, there are some people who are simply uncomfortable with public displays of affection, but if he won’t even hold your hand… that’s a bad sign.  It’s an even worse sign if you notice that there are times when he’s totally comfortable with it, and other times when he’s not comfortable at all, especially if you notice that it’s specific places (excluding, of course, places where it IS inappropriate, like church) where he is uncomfortable, or places in a specific area (such as near his home or work).

2. Only Calls You At Odd (Or Specific) Times

   Another very common sign of a gator is that he only calls you at odd times or only at specific times.  The specific times could be, for instance, when he is at work, or even more so when he is at lunch at work.  The odd times could be late at night, early in the morning, etc.  If he never calls you during prime off business hours, be careful.

3. Frequently Doesn’t Answer When You Call

   This is a HUGE red flag raising, alarm bell ringing kind of bad sign.  If he doesn’t take your call when he’s in a meeting, that’s one thing.  If he doesn’t take your call an hour after he’s supposed to be off work, and this is a regular occurrence, it’s time to be suspicious… very suspicious.

4. Never Wants To Be At His Place (With You)

   Some guys just don’t want you over because they feel like their place is not up to par with what they think you want/expect, and so they will be lowered in your opinion.  This is relatively rare, however, especially if you are having a great time, feeling close, and heading toward being intimate… there are VERY few guys that will turn away from going to their place at that point, unless, possibly, they have roommates (which I suppose would still be the case if they are married).

5. Gets Nervous At Spontaneous Time Together Requests

   If your man is not the nervous type, or the perfectionist planner type, but they still get nervous when you say “Let’s go do something right now” or even “Let’s go have dinner tonight”, you can pretty much count on the fact there is something odd going on.  There’s probably also something odd if they always have to call someone, and talk privately, immediately after such a suggestion.

6. Says I Love You In Private, But Not Public

   There are a few old fashioned people who don’t say I love you in public, but it’s rare these days.  If you say it to him, and he doesn’t say it back, or says something vague that could be interpreted to mean something else, that’s a bad sign.  It’s a sign, as so many of these are, that he may be trying to hide your relationship.

7. “Friend” Body Language In Public

   If you notice that your man stands a little farther from you in public, that he is generally facing slightly away from you, and even when you’re having a conversation he doesn’t face you directly, these are all body language indicators that he is distancing himself from you, that he is uncomfortable with you being seen as someone with whom he is in a relationship.  Of course, you might want to check your body odor, too.

8. Never Wants To Go Somewhere Near His Place

   This was mentioned in passing above… if your man never wants to go anywhere that is near where he lives, and especially if he doesn’t want to go anywhere near where he works, either, you have a potential gator.  And it’s a rather strong potential, at that.  The only way that sort of behavior makes any sense is if he doesn’t want someone to know he’s with you… and if he doesn’t want someone to know he’s with you, there’s a reason there that most likely spells trouble even if it’s not another woman.

9. You Never Meet Any Of His Friends

   This is, of course, assuming he has friends.  Some guys don’t make friends easily… if your man is one of those types, don’t take this too seriously.  On the other hand, if he’s always hanging out with someone else when he’s not with you, and you never meet any of these someone elses… then you have plenty of cause to be suspicious

10. Often Takes Calls In The Other Room

    If he takes calls in the other room all the time, or uses some other way to be where you can’t hear what he says, you have a problem, whether it has to do with your relationship or not.  There is very little reason why someone would need to regularly speak privately away from his significant other.  Most of the reasons that I can think of why someone WOULD do that are bad… the only thing I can think of that’s not bad would be a doctor/patient or lawyer/client relationship.  And even with those exceptions, they really shouldn’t be receiving that many of them while you’re together.

11. Their Words Don’t Match Their Actions

    This is true of any relationship… if they say one thing and do another, that’s a bad sign.  If nothing else, it immediately calls into question their trustworthiness.  It might not be a big deal: for instance, some people will NOT remember to call you back, even if they say they will do so.  If they are that way with you and not with other things, however, you can be sure there is something fishy (or gator-y) going on.

One more thing, as a bonus… your man may call you “honey” or “baby” or some other pet name, it may not be because he loves you so much… it may be because he doesn’t want to slip and say the wrong name.

Again, if your man does one of these things, it doesn’t mean he’s a gator… but it might mean you want to watch for the other signs more closely.  And, in truth, these signs are mostly from the “second woman” perspective, though some of them apply otherwise, as well, but then again, there are tons of articles out there in magazines and on the web about how to tell if your man is cheating on you (one of the most popular topics of women’s magazines, from what I can tell looking at the magazine covers in the check out line at the store).